Tuesday, August 11, 2009


We just got back from Florida and it was a fabulous trip. Lots of great memories. Serious fun all around. But let’s look back at another vacation, not so very long ago. It has been a month now, so the pain and anguish of that first day is fading into a distant memory. For historical purposes, let’s go back and revisit the worst first day of vacation ever.

Duh, Dun Duh!

Preface: 2.5 hours of sleep, Lindsey 6 months pregnant

Arrive in San Francisco
Lindsey: It is cold!
Scott: It will warm up.
10 minutes later
Lindsey: It is really cold. I’m tired.

Typical airport craziness, take Bart to ***hostel in the Mission District

Lindsey: Hi, we would like to check in
Front Desk Guy: Did you guys know there is a nightclub here on the weekends?
Lindsey and Scott: Ummm, no.

Put bags in the room
Lindsey and Scott (internal thoughts): Man, this place is a dump!
Lindsey: Is it dirty here?
Scott: No.
Lindsey: Do you think we should have gotten a car?
Scott: No
Lindsey: Let’s get something to eat and go to Golden Gate Park.

Eat at Pizzeria Delfina’s (the highlight of the day)

Scott: We need to take a bus? Where do we catch the bus? Where is a bus schedule?

Arrive at Golden Gate Park

Lindsey: This park is huge!
Scott: Where is a map?

Wander for 4 hours
Lindsey: Let’s go to the bridge. Where do we catch a bus?
Scott: Let’s cut through the woods here and we can figure it out.

Scott leads the way

Scott: Lindsey! Turn back now!!

5 minutes of silence

Lindsey: Are you okay?
Scott: I totally just saw two dudes doing it in the woods.
Lindsey: Are you okay?
Scott: I saw naked bums.

1 hour later still trying to find the bus stop

Scott speed walking in stress-mode. Lindsey starts to trip over her feet.
Her greatest regrets are not wearing thermal underwear and bringing her heavy camera gear.

Arrive at Golden Gate Bridge 1 hour later.

Lindsey and Scott: Pretty.
Lindsey and Scott (internal thoughts): Windy.
Lindsey: Let’s go to Chrissy Field.
Scott: Where do we catch the bus? What bus do we catch? Where is a freaking bus schedule!

45 minutes later, finally on the right bus to Chrissy Field and find out it is the last bus. Don’t get off and head back to Golden Gate Bridge.

Scott to bus driver: Do you know how to get back to the Mission District?
Bus Driver: No.

Bus driver keeps hitting the curb. Lindsey wants to throw up. Make a mad dash for, hopefully, the right bus. Several strangers help along the way.

Stranger: Can I help you?
Scott: Yes, we are trying to go to ****
Stranger: Oh! Interesting.
Stranger: Um, why did you choose to stay there?
Stranger: Don’t go out at night.

Repeat with new stranger. Lindsey too tired to make conversation.

Arrive at hostel 1 hour later . . . mocked by the nightclubers in the elevator and advised to keep doors locked.

Lindsey crashes.

Scott: What do you want for dinner?
Lindsey: mumble, mumble, mumble.

Scott returns with chocolate and Graham Crackers but neglects to mention the discarded needles and prostitutes outside of the hostel.

Cue in the pounding nightclub music

Lindsey wakes up and notices dirt in the bed and food under the bed.


3:00 AM Nightmares
4:00 AM Nightmares
5:00 AM Nightmares
6:00 AM Lindsey wakes up

Lindsey: OWWWW! My foot!!
Scott: You are okay.
Lindsey: No, I’m not.
Scott: It will be fine.

Lindsey proceeds to limp for the next 7 days with a strained tendon, which really, really, really hurt and made her cry on several occasions.

Lindsey: The shower doesn’t work!
Scott: There is no way I’m taking a bath in that.
Lindsey: I think we should switch hotels.
Scott: I heard gunshots and police sirens last night.
Lindsey: I want to go home.

10 minutes later . . .
Front Desk Receptionist: Welcome to the Hilton

The end.

Photo Courtesy of Ryan Wilcox, www.youlooknicephotographytoday.com


design gal said...

"i saw naked bums"

seriously, i almost pee'd my pants after reading that! so funny...but probably not for scott!

cathycan said...

Oh, that is awful!
But makes for great story telling!

katherine said...

wow. i am exhausted just reading about it all!! but am so jealous you went to that workshop!!! i hope you are well!!

brad&sav said...

thank heaven for the hilton! you guys are total adventurous! i would never even think of staying in a hostel. because i forget they exist... i only remember that they are in europe for some reason

caitlin said...

Awesome. Simply awesome. I think it's worth it for the funny stories. But I feel really bad for you about the hotel situation! And you're pregnant, so that's not helping anything. I hope the rest of your trip was fun.. but why do I have a sneaking suspicion you won't be headed back to San Fran for a while?

Anonymous said...

That has got to be one of the worst vacation start ups ever. I'm so sorry. On the bright side, the picture you posted makes you like the Photography Queen.


lifeinredshoes said...

Oh my hell! You 2 are about to become parents!

Tara said...

Holy cow! Lindsey, you are a hoot! This was such an entertaining post! I'm sorry for the condition of the hostel--you guys are totally brave for even trying, if you ask me! Yuck! Poor Scott...poor you...I hope all worked out for the rest of the trip, though!

JT and Lizzie Davis said...

Are you kidding me?! I laughed so hard I cried while reading this! Then I had to read it out loud to my husband & I was still laugh/crying. Oh my gosh. Expertly written. So glad you survived!

Becky said...

Um... I love this story. I laughed hard at the intrusion in woods because I pictured it being me and the hubster and he would have acted the exact same way! I love it! I hope you had so much fun! I've got to save up for his class