Babies

It doesn't seem that long ago that I was pregnant.  Really, it feels like I was just in the mix of it, buying maternity, stretching out my leg muscles, going to the Dr.  and then it doesn't feel that long ago that Lucy was just fresh and tiny, and I was walking around, proud as can be, with a newborn.  So it has been weird for me to find out that several friends and family who had babies right around the time Lucy was born are pregnant again.  Weren't we just there?  Weren't we just all in this together?  Wasn't I finally on board, in the mix, part of the "mommy" world?  And once again, I'm feeling a little left out.  It is a strange reality that Lucy is 1 and she is old enough to have another sibling.  I have been so busy enjoying her, I haven't fully realized this fact.

And once I did, I was back there, just a little bit.  Back to the wanting, but trying not to want.  Because being pregnant was pretty cool, and having Lucy in our lives is definitely cool, but what it took to get her here isn't.  Not so much.  And once I was pregnant the pressure, stress, sadness, nervousness and fear were all gone.  And now it is coming back.  I'm not ready for IVF again.  Not right now.  But it is coming and I'm going to have to deal with it soon.  That is really scary.  Because once I deal with it, the cold reality of no is a very real possibility.

I know someone else who announced they are trying for #6, which, they stated, means they will be pregnant tomorrow.  How would that be?  That is so not my world.  How would it be to want, try, and receive?  Almost instantly?  To skip over months and years of hope/hopelessness?  And I guess it is just strange, because it really was just yesterday that I had Lucy.  I swear it was.  But then everyone else keeps adding to the brood.  And all of a sudden only children get to be big brothers and sisters. 

And really, I have been so happy.  Really, really happy.  So much so, that these new/old fears have blindsided me.  They don't belong in my world.  I had enough of them already.

So tonight, I will go to bed and dream sweet dreams.  Because I have a husband who loves me, and a baby girl, who still is a baby, who loves me too.  And I don't want to forget Oliver, because he is awesome.  And I'm pretty sure he loves me.  Because that is what dogs do.

Peak A Boo!

Today I am grateful for "beakabo!"

Happy Thanksgiving!

Scott and I have so much to be grateful for.  We have a beautiful daughter, a comfortable home, lovely friends and neighbors, two jobs that we love, family that supports and loves us, food on the table, a crazy dog, and the knowledge that we are children of God.  We really couldn't ask for more.

Curb Appeal

 

While the progression of our home remodel might only be interesting to me, I like seeing the improvements.  So forgive me as I wax on about all the hard work, labor of love, blah blah.

When we first bought our house it looked like the photo above.  See, the for sale sign was even in the picture when Google Maps took it.  It was a little overgrown, but we saw the potential.

After a few months of care, it looked like the photo below.  We diligently hand watered (no sprinkler system!) and worked on the copious amount of weeds.  The following spring we added a Maple Tree.  It was so exciting to plant our very first tree ever.  I'm happy to say it is thriving.

Last year we added the fence, minus the gate.  Do you see all that ivy in the picture?  It was not an easy job to get rid of.  We landscaped the park strip, removed all the plants and repaired the crumbling porch.  So we pretty much had what's in the picture on the bottom right. 

This year was the big year.  We landscaped the entire front yard, put in a new sprinkler and drip system, and had a new front door and porch pillars installed.  I think it looks pretty great.  It feels so homey when we pull up.  I just took these pictures today, so most of the leaves are gone, but you kind of get the idea.  I think it will look great in the Spring when the plants fill in more and the rest of the grass grows in (from the sprinkler tear-up).  There are nearly 200 plants there, and 3 new trees.  It was a big project, but Scott and I both enjoy working outside.  Next year we are excited to do some major rehauling of the backyard.  Right now it is pretty much Oliver's domain and poo sanctuary.  We have our work cut out for us there, but I can't wait.  For now, I'm loving our new and improved front yard.  And for the record, after 10 years of no sprinkler system, we are in heaven. 

It is amazing what one summer of hard work can do.

Do you like the hay bale that is keeping our new gate closed?  

We have yet to put the latches on!

 

P.S.  Scott's cousin Chris did our front door and pillars

Andrew did our custom gates

And my dad spent many hours helping us with the sprinkler system

Post Edit:  These photos were taken on Saturday.  When I woke up Sunday my beautiful Tri-Color Beech was snapped in half.  The one that looks so beautiful in the pictures, right next to the house.  It was lovely, and expensive and I might cry.  Luckily the other trees were able to be saved.  And this is the only first snow of the season. 

Wish List

I may or may not be thinking about some of these.


Super 8 Videocamera
Hunter Boots
Anthropologie Classics

The Haircut

Someone needed a haircut.

Someone wasn't such a fan of getting a haircut.

Days

 

Being a mom sure isn't glamorous.  At least the way I do it.  

I do a lot of things I never thought I'd do.  I spend my days in sweatpants and maternity tops.  I make Mac and Cheese.  Sometimes twice a day.  I hate Kraft Mac and Cheese.  The house always seems messy, I feel messy and Lucy usually is messy.  I let Lucy eat off the floor and I let Oliver lick her.  Her clothes don't always match, and mine definitely don't.  

And lately I have been feeling a bit down.  I always thought I'd lose the baby weight when I was nursing.  I was convinced I would be skinnier than ever.  Not only would nursing be good for Lucy, but I would look awesome while doing it.  This didn't happen.  So, almost 2 years after our IVF cycle, I am anxious to be my old self.  To be skinnier and prettier.  To be a little more perfect.

So, when I went to Kim's house to pick up Lucy's birthday pictures, I wasn't feeling particularly pretty.  No make-up, sloppy hair, baby tummy, jeans that don't fit right.  And then Kim took out her camera, and I protested, but she insisted.  And I absolutely cherish the results.  Because my life with Lucy isn't perfect, and I'm not perfect, but together I think we are pretty special.  I think she looks beautiful.  I think I look beautiful too.  There are so few pictures of the two of us, that I'm grateful that I have documented, stored and remembered forever, how much we love each other.

Thank you Kim, for once again, being an amazing friend. 

P.S.  Look at her skin color!  I'm 100% pasty in comparison.  

Lucy is a lucky, olive-skinned, duck!

Sensitive Lucy

Lucy has a silly side, but she also has a very shy side.  She is a snuggler and when we go places, she gets even more snuggly.  She likes to observe, but doesn't like too much attention on herself.  The other day she was giving eyes to an older gentlemen at the lab.  He gave her smiles back, and she nearly folded herself in half against me.  Her head was buried in and legs tucked up.  She doesn't like strangers holding her, and if someone tries to take her, she clings to me with a death grip.

When we get her up from her naps, she likes to pat our backs.  It is very McDermott of her, but I think she actually gets that from Scott.  When I walk in the room she says, "mama!" and when she is tired, she wants hugs.  She will sit on my lap and play, but then every few minutes, lean in for a back rub.  She does kisses more and more, which is usually the open mouth variety. 

I like this soft, snuggly side to Lucy.  I like that people tell me, "she loves her mama," when she is hiding in my shoulder.  I like watching her observe.  Her mind is always going, and I know she picks up on everything we are doing.  She tries to put he own clips in her hair, and feeds herself with her spoon.  She pats Oliver and plays with my hair. 

She also has a silly and stinker side.  She tells me, Doh, all the time.  Doh, she doesn't want to eat that, Doh, she doesn't want to be put down. 

But right now I'm loving my shy little bean.  I love that I'm her comfort and safety.  And that she looks for me when she is sad or scared.  Nobody could have told me how wonderful these little moments are.
And there are some hard ones too.  But nothing can replace walking into a room, and a little munchkin saying,

"Hi Mama!"

Moments

Lately, Lucy has been super squirmy during bedtime reading.  Last night, though, she sat through book after book as Scott read to her.  Every time I popped my head in, she had a big smile on her face, sitting on Scott's lap.  Eventually she got bored and started crawling all over the bed.  And then she crawled right over to Scott, put her face in his, noses touching, and said,

"HI!"

I have been smiling all day about it.  That squirmy monkey is pretty funny sometimes.

Lucy's B-Day

I still need to scan the photos, but here is a little peak into Lucy's B-day.  I sure love this girl.

Thanks Kim for being awesome and coming out and documenting this day for us. 
You are my hero.

The Fair

This year, I'm sad to say, the State Fair lost some of it's tacky, whacky shine. The bad food was just bad, not bad in a good way. The animals were sad, the booths disappointing.
Not even the sea lions could save the day.

Maybe it was because some of my favorite rides and booths were gone, maybe it was because it was too hot, and too expensive. Maybe it was because I ate from a used gelato spoon, or had a big dead bug in my lemonade. But I'm pretty sure it was because the photo button booth lady had it in for me. I freely admit I was trying to take a picture of her booth. Because it was awesome. Awesomely BAD. And I like to take pictures of awesomely crazy things. But I think she thought I was taking photos of it because I thought it was awesome in a let-me-copy-you-way. Which was unfortunate, because she kind of FREAKED OUT. Not only did she grab my arm, but she also demanded I erase the photo, show my credentials, give her my address, business card and purpose for being at the fair. I seriously thought she was going to punch me. And I couldn't find Scott or Lucy anywhere.

At the end of the night, I had to admit, I didn't have any fun.

But I wont let go of my affair with the fair this easily. I vow to fall in love again. I will revel in fried food, funky booths and the big yellow slide again. I think going on the cheapie night will help. And eating beforehand. And paying attention to the spoon Scott gives me. And wearing more comfortable shoes. I might have to keep a close eye out for crazy people.

and I'll skip the lemonade.